Silent notes ring in my head. Daggered guilt possesses my thoughts.

I am tired but I can’t reach out for help so I stay silent and hope the echoes that my  screams make dim so I don’t go insane.

To be honest I want to get down on my knees and pray but I wonder if you’ll listen and reply or do I need faith to get answers from you.

I know I can be disappointing. I’ve tried…sealed doors to keep the devil out by somehow through the cracks thoughts become temptations and once more I fall.

I want to cry out to you but are you still there or like salt have I lost my saltiness and what is left is grain. Useless to the human eye.

I don’t know if this is the end of the road for me. I wonder though will your blessings come to pass or has my entitlement led me so astray that you deem me unfit to carry your crown?
Will your glory one day be seen through me or has the darkness eaten away at my heart that there’s nothing left to save.

I know….
It is frustrating at times. Talking to you in my head and wondering about the different answers to expect and I’m left at the start line trying to figure out what road to take.. what choice to make…what path dictates what your grace holds for me.

I used to hear your voice..now it’s endless noises.. forgotten choices and an undivulged pain…shelves on top of shelves of mistakes that make me wonder are you even listening?

Time will tell though. As I grow I pray your word will be my path. For even as death draws near I pray I die having achieved my goal and I can finally say I died a bride to a groom of peace and laughter and my soul forever unchanged from his love. God’s love.


  1. Those times i pray for the Lord to save me and remind him that he promised to leave the 99 for that 1, Lord am that 1 please deliver me for my heart loves you, protect me for I know your name (Psalms 91:14)

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