There once was a girl who felt like she lived in darkness. She was lost and hopeless not needing help, not even God’s comfort. She was all alone and she thrived in the sadness but She wasn’t always like this. It all began with a first love and a final heart ache.
Now, Like every other girl her first love gave her her surname.
A noble man, she would describe him but that’s all she remembered.
She didn’t remember much after he left her waiting, hoping but he never came back. She blamed herself for his departure. She went through life, Isolated by pain trying to fill a void like reaching an itch she couldn’t scratch.
She was so scared and all alone. Her heart was broken and she couldn’t mend her soul. Her first love had abandoned her. Packed a suitcase never looked back.
So she set out to find him. Showed up on his doorstep booming with hope. All the stories she wanted to tell him. But fear gripped her heart unable to move. She missed him but a part of her couldn’t face him.
She blamed herself for his walk down the steps. Drowning daily in self loathe as she wished she could be dead.
Then with courage she went up his steps. Raising her hand to ring the bell… She hesitated looking back telling her feet to run but she had to say she was sorry. She wanted to say she would be better if he just came back.
So with a deep breath she pushed herself and as she listened to the echoes of the bell, her palms sweating, feeling hopeful, she saw him walk up his steps just as the door opened and a child seeming gleeful ran past her into his arms and the words that lingered that she can’t forget, spilled out of the child’s mouth, Daddy.
She was mortified for a few seconds.
Heart broken, she ran fast looking down trying not to meet his eyes as expectations became disappointments and her heart already ripped, completely shattered and the pieces she left behind for him to bury in her unmarked grave.
It was a pain she hadn’t felt before. She chocked as she tried grasping for air but her lungs were betraying her. She was now dead inside.
She ran fast, faster, blinded by her tears thoughts racing through her mind as she wondered was she never good enough.
She felt worthless. Abandoned and replaced. Finally she collapsed, legs on her side face down and she wailed.
She was yours but you didn’t even recognize her. You didn’t run after her. She felt like a distant memory to a man she longed for. She was all alone once more. As she always had been every father’s day and everyday since after you left and she had to endure the sights of happy families…complete from the head to the child.
She wondered why.. why was she never good enough, why would you abandon her. She wondered what she lacked that you needed to replace her. She asked why over and over as her head burned and she could feel the heat from the pain swell up.
She felt stupid for hiding your pictures. Ones she would steal glances at when no one was around and stop herself from crying.
Her worst fear had come to life. You had forgotten her. She was now sure you wouldn’t come back and I guess that’s what hurt the most.